Okay Yes, I'm late with this blog post but come on this topic is absolutely AMAZING and I cannot miss out on it. Hmmmm. I never really thought so deep into what I carry everyday. Whether it's tangible or intangible. But after taking the time out to think about my life in a bigger perspective I find some interesting things about myself.
Physically, I CANNOT live without my cell phone. Yes I'm sure it's not a surprise because a lot of people feel the same way. Most of the time their reason is because it's how they communicate with people and music etc. I agree with all of those reasons but it's more to it with me. My phone is my stability. When I'm annoyed by my parents, my siblings, my friends, my teachers, or associates of some sort, I find myself going straight to the notes of my phone. Matter of fact I just checked my phone as of now and I have a total of 271 notes, not to mention this is just from my new phone I got in January of 2014 . I know it may sound a little bizarre but it's just that crucial. I feel that if I cannot open up to anyone else, I have my phone as my support system. No I'm not saying that I talk to my phone (that would be absolutely stupid) but I consistently use it to hold my inner thoughts that I could never distribute to anyone. Yes I have friends but it's just those things that I am afraid to be judged about ya know or nawwwww?
I have many dreams and goals that I carry. I definitely want to be better than my parents and grandparents when I get older. I don't think I've ever been so stressed out in my life because I put so much pressure on myself with this goal. I know I'm not suppose to, but without that pressure, I lose focus. I want to become a computer scientist, to be specific a programmer. I think I am the BIGGEST computer geek in the world. When I was 8 I removed a virus from one of my mom's client's computers in a matter of 5 minutes. I know that may not seem just so "Woooooooowwwwwww" but if you only just take the time out to think that it's an 8 year old taking viruses off a computer. If computer science doesn't work out for me, I find myself becoming some sort of singer. Now when you see me after this, don't ask me to sing.......okay I'm just kidding. Singing is something that I carry because it too also gets me through a lot of things. Don't think I'm depressing but I'm sure no one's life is perfect 24/7 no matter how happy and jolly they may be whenever you see them. Look at me! My life behind close doors is something I dread sometimes.
Wow, this is a pretty deep one. I feel as if my Martha is "God" but at the same time, no disrespect God, but I seem to always think of my Maja (Ms. Mione). She wasn't only my teacher but she was my coach, my friend, my counselor, everything you could ever think of as an older role model. She's always been just a breath of fresh air for me. I could talk to her just like I could be talking to God. In fact she was the one who opened up my eyes to writing down things that I feel at the moment. She also helped me through my grieving state when a fellow friend of mine past away my 7th grade year. I was completely distraught for a week and without her I probably would have missed the entire week but I managed to cope. It's almost like I didn't realize how much of an asset my Maja was to my life until I proceeded on to high school. I'm very thankful that she still manages to be in my life as of now.
If your reading this, what if I asked you three adjectives to describe me? What would you say? I'm just gonna take a guess and think you would say "Crazy, Honest, Active". If those aren't what you may have thought of, then I hope whatever they were was nice. I'm sure all of my friends could describe me as crazy. I'm a character. I try keeping everyone in high good spirits and attitudes. I really like that about myself. It's even great when I make friends with a stranger because of my personality in a snap of a finger. I feel like I am an honest person. I say what I feel if it needs to be conveyed. I do it in such a matter to where it doesn't come out rude or anything. Relationships or friendships without honesty and loyalty is pointless to me and I feel that everyone should be able to describe themselves as honest. And last but not least I carry the trait of being active. I like to engage in a lot of events and things that involves activeness. I think I'm mostly active within my school work and most of all volleyball. They are really important in my life so without me carrying it I wouldn't be able to succeed honestly.
Okay so memories. Well there's memories that do shape my life and mold me into the person that I haven't fully become yet but I'm still on the right track. Let's see, I remember this special individual, who is closer than ever to me came to me randomly after a week of some distance that "The next time something happens to you I hope you die." It's personal but I feel as if I can say this it's not so personal. But anyways I took this phrase into so many different ways. Should I keep this statement in my head as as a motivator or something that shall bring me down when I go into this state of being depressed or emotional? I've kept this memory to follow with me when I succeed at even the little things that may not matter to many but matters to me. I also keep the memories of my "Biological Father" walking in and out and in and out and in and out and in and out of my life. What kills me the most, is that it was always based off of money. I would ask my dad for like $5 and he would have the audacity to change his number and I would have to hunt him down on social media. Thank God for social media because without it I cannot imagine how I would be. He is my motivation to when I step on the stage for graduation wearing chords, my cap and gown and holding my diploma that he was what pushed me to get there. There are other small little memories as well that mold me like my sisters and their "not so good roads" with high school and college. They motivate me to strive for excellence and to leave Texas and explore the world.
Your lucky if you were able to read this because honestly, everything on this post is almost my life and I'm glad that I could share it. I'm thankful that I have that positive attitude of executing this. Okay I'm tired of typing now.............Until then -waves-.
